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CIENTISTA DE ABADÁ


Digerido o mingau de maizena das dezoito e trinta, reparti o cabelo ao meio, calcei minhas botinas e rumei em desabalada carreira à grande festa de Momo.



Em meio à balbúrdia generalizada, ouvi algumas pessoas ao meu lado proferirem reiteradamente o termo “cheirar lança”. De imediato meu sistema cognitivo associou a expressão a um aborígene aspirando sofregamente seu instrumento de caça, e tal quadro afigurou-se-me exageradamente surreal. Não dei maior importância, ainda que considerasse estranho aqueles rapazes rindo sem motivo aparente, e prossegui embalado nos folguedos, circundado por um manancial de regiões glúteas bem proporcionadas.


Foi quando percebi assomar em minha direção, a uma velocidade média que pelos meus cálculos girava em torno de 4,6 metros por segundo, uma engenhoca denominada Trio Elétrico. Tentei vislumbrar onde exatamente se achavam instalados a trava, o vidro e o alarme, mas não avistei senão um amontoado de tocadores de tambor sem camisa e uma cantora com as pernas de fora posicionados acima do veículo, que se assemelhava a um palco ambulante e arrebanhava multidão crescente conforme ia transitando. Por Galileu, qual seria o sentido daquele rito profano?


Cismava nessas conjecturas quando um alto-falante próximo anunciou que dentro de meia hora teria início o desfile das escolas. Ora, pensei, o 7 de Setembro já se fora há mais de 5 meses; além do que não via naquele cenário de perversão e sodomia o ambiente propício a uma parada cívica, com alunos de escolas estaduais e municipais saudando o dia da Pátria.


Importante frisar que, ainda que empreendesse todos os esforços para permanecer imóvel e em atitude meramente contemplativa, aquela procissão de excomungados me empurrava a contragosto. Era por assim dizer arrastado, em efeito análogo ao refluxo do mar quando estamos com as marolas batendo na altura das canelas, em Praia Grande ou São Vicente.


Artefatos circulares de papel colorido e rala espessura, denominados confetes, eram arremessados sem mãos a medir na direção dos meus olhos, como se os foliões quisessem deliberadamente levar-me à cegueira a todo custo. É bem verdade que nem todos os acima designados confetes atingiam o sistema ocular – 16% se alojavam entre a mucosa da boca e a laringe e outros 7,8% pousavam inertes sobre o copo de leite batido que empunhava ao som do “Alalaô”. Considere-se nesta estatística uma margem de erro de três pontos percentuais para mais ou para menos, estabelecendo como desprezível a resistência do ar entre a posição de arremesso e o alvo.


Questões outras também eram por mim analisadas, como a fadiga e a dilatação de corpos e materiais, o poder de abrasão das fantasias de califa quando roçadas com as de odalisca e a ação mensurável das forças centrífuga e centrípeta nos chamados cordões carnavalescos. Por volta das três e meia da madrugada, uma mulher de aparência polaca e olheiras fundas – provavelmente causadas por falta de sono reparador – agarrou-me à força e beijou-me demoradamente, passando em seguida às minhas mãos um lenço umedecido e um cilindro de vidro translúcido com líquido não identificado em seu interior, trazendo um rótulo onde se lia “Universitário”.


Sem entender bem o porquê do presente, pressionei a válvula, muito semelhante à de um extintor de incêndio. Imediatamente rondaram-me dezoito elementos vindos não sei de onde, todos com lenços nas mãos e olhando ávidos para meu pequeno tubo transparente. Estupefato, perguntei ao grupo em que poderia ser útil. Uma fração de segundo depois, um dos indivíduos me socava a cara enquanto outro me furtava o cobiçado “Universitário”, como se o apetrecho fosse a chave do paraíso. Acordei na delegacia, onde me encontro agora em companhia de nativos, cujas peculiaridades comportamentais merecem um detalhado estudo antropológico.


© Direitos Reservados



Comentários

  1. E viva o tucanês: "regiões glúteas bem proporcionadas". latifúndios dorsais de lado, ou melhor, desnudos, a crônica do tríduo momesco merece 10 em todos os quesitos.

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  2. Juliano Sanches12:06 PM

    Pelas barbas do profeta, que diário de campo interessante, digno da
    leitura insoniante de Balzac. Ora, até que enfim resolvestes sair da
    caverna, meu caro positivista. Antes bitolado aos bastidadores dos
    folguedos hedonistas. Agora, as entranhas do pirata se fizeram
    perceber no mar: Afastastes das repressões, não é mesmo. Hoje já
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    Quem diria rorororororororo....

    Nos vemos pelas navegações rumo às Índias de pernas atraentes.

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  3. Filho, bom dia. Saúde e paz. Gostei de sua crônica "Cientista de Abadá".
    Dizer bem escrita seria pleonasmo. Bem humorada. Parabéns. Beijo
    de seu pai.

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  4. Adriano3:23 AM

    Muito bom Marcelo!!!! Este a gente não falou dos preparativos para o carnaval. A fantasia de Pierrô. O Corso de carnaval........as marchinhas tradicionais. Os sucessos de hoje em dia como: " Mamãe eu quero" "Pirata da perna de pau" "Bandeira branca" e tantos outros e claro, sem esquecer dessa menina que está estourando nas paradas a Emilinha Borba! Essa é traquinas demais......

    Abraço velhinho!!!

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  5. Nice Pinheiro7:01 AM

    Oi Marcelo, tudo bem? Acabei de postar no blog...Amei! rsrs....Aproveitando os dias de Momo para descansar, trabalhar ou brincar o carnaval? rsrs...
    bjs

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  6. Que saga! hASUUasuasu

    ;]

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  7. Celi Gustafson3:08 PM

    Excelente texto! Obrigada,
    Celi

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  8. Willian - RAC3:47 AM

    Procurado o universitário. Bom dia!!!Bacana. Marcelo!!!!!!!!!

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  9. Maria Ester9:00 AM

    Adorei. Muito criativo. Dei risadas.

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  10. Belvedere Bruno9:01 AM

    Tô aki rindo em pleno carnaval do Rio..... vc é bótimo!

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  11. O "bicho homem" é muito estranho!!!
    Imaginem um ET descendo em pleno carnaval de Salvador!!!

    Abraços mil

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  12. Marilia Cotomacci11:58 PM

    Marcelinho, genial, genial...
    Incrível como a gente consegue visualizar o seu texto. E se transportar pra lá.
    Então, ótimo carnaval.
    Um bj
    Marília

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  13. Evelyne12:46 PM

    Lido na terça-feira gorda, com prazer, Marcelo! Adorei seu cientista de Abadá e lastimei o que um simples tubinho Universitário fez com ele. Todo cuidado é pouco ! Como sempre ótimo! Beijos, meu amigo!

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  14. Caro Marcelo - este teu narrador muito de Pero Vaz de Caminha tem. Só de pensar em colocar as tuas agruras no relato à corte...

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  15. Ana Maria7:02 AM

    tadinho dele né! abração, Marcelo! Ana Maria

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